As an introverted, quiet kid, by the time I had finished high school, I'd become a master at getting myself out of situations that made me uncomfortable - I did the writing in the group task so that I wouldn't have to present it; I over-rehearsed every solo I had in the school band so that there was no chance of me playing a wrong note; I volunteered my answer in class when I was 100% sure that I was correct, to avoid the possibility of the teacher asking me for any answers I didn't know. Writing all of this now makes the high school version of myself sound pretty pitiful, but that was just the way my brain worked.
Once I finished school, I decided to live in another country, with strangers who spoke a language of which I understood around 20%, and do a job I'd never done before. This, boys and girls, is a textbook definition of the phrase zero to one hundred.
But let me speak more generally. Taking risks and facing the unknown (whether that be in your relationships or career) is something that scares most people. One thing I'm learning to do is embrace the fear, and use it as fuel to carry myself through it. Like one long adrenaline rush.
When it comes to dealing with, and surviving, new and unknown situations, three key factors come to mind: time, exploration, and reflection.
Every new situation requires a settling down period. Unfortunately, this is one thing that is out of our control. We simply have to sit back and let everything flow around us and let the waters settle. Adjustment cannot happen straight away, no matter how hard you want for it, it is something that can only happen with time. However, there are two more things you can be doing during this adjustment period.
The first being exploration. On the day that I got my final A level exam results, I listened to a podcast by the amazing Jess Lively about unknown factors in your life. She spoke about something that really put a fire under my butt and gave me the drive to get me where I am now. The phrase she used was data collecting. And I think it resonated with me so much, this idea that you cannot decide if something is wrong or right for you in your life unless you have experienced it yourself. You have to collect data from all of these different experiences in order to have a complete idea of which direction you would like to go in. So for me, exploration is all about gathering information - if you've physically moved, go out and explore your new surroundings, get to know the area; if you're in a new relationship (of any kind) get to know this new person; if you've started a new job, do your research, ask around, ask Google, what are the highs and lows of this job, what do you need to do to succeed. Know your shizz and everything will feel more familiar.
The second thing you can be doing during this settling down period is reflecting. Reflecting on all of the new information that you have collected. In new situations, it's so easy to lose who you are as a person, to forget what is normal for you, to get lost in all of the newness and lose any feeling of being grounded. Ask yourself, or even better ask yourself and write it down, how does factor 'X' make me feel? Does it make me excited for things to come, does it bring me joy, or does it make me feel uncomfortable? Do I feel uncomfortable because it is new, or because it is not for me? How can I move forward from here? You will have all of the answers to these questions, you after all are the person who knows you the best. It's important to be familiar with your new surroundings, but it's more important to be familiar with yourself in the new situation.
A quick note on introversion: if you are an introvert, like myself, new situations can be highly stimulating, which in turn can be incredibly overwhelming. I implore you not to feel guilty for needing time to be in your own company in order to realign and re-energise your mind. You are allowed to have this time, and it is essential to being able to keep moving forward.
And remember, as Sirleaf said, if your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough.
photo: Montserrat, Barcelona